What are the biggest challenges distance families face?

So much goes unsaid between generations. The adult children who leave often carry a deep sense of guilt about the family they’ve left behind. When I tell grandparents this, many are shocked. On the other side, grandparents grieve the loss of the role they assumed they’d have -the grandkids ‘down the road.’ Ironically, many of those same grandparents encouraged their children to think big, which they did; it just led them to another country. My work tries to surface these unspoken emotions, because when each generation understands the other, empathy grows - and relationships thrive.

What matters most when you’re a distance grandchild?

Consistency matters. It’s the small things: having the same bedspread when they come to visit, the same kitchen table, the cookie jar. You don’t have to be a perfect host - it’s the familiar environment that anchors kids. I’ve heard wonderful stories about distance grandkids following their grandparents’ passions. One granddaughter had a visiting English grandmother who would read Winnie the Pooh with dramatic expression every time she visited. That granddaughter grew up to become an audiobook narrator. Even sporadic, meaningful moments can shape lives. 

And for new distance grandparents who fear they’ll never have a relationship with their grandchildren: take the long view. Keep showing up in small ways over time. The relationship will be real - just different.

What are your top tips for making distance grandparenting work?

There are a few…

• Acknowledge grief, aim for the positive. It’s okay to have hard days – such as envying the grandparent you see doing school pick up. Just keep moving forward with constructive actions.
  
  
• Be intentional. Be a ‘booker.’ Put regular calls in the calendar. If you think of something mid-week, note it down so you can look forward to sharing it on Sunday. Families abroad are often time poor.
  
  
• Create one-on-one moments. Deep relationships often grow in side-by-side conversations - like chats in the car after school. Recreate that online with dedicated one-on-one calls. Even a responsible 12-year-old can ‘own’ setting up a call every six weeks with grandma.
  
  
• Revive the written word. Kids rarely receive physical mail. A postcard or letter becomes a treasure they’ll stash somewhere and keep forever. The same is true in reverse: a child who manages to send a Mother’s Day card timed to meet another country’s calendar has absolutely aced it.
  
  
• Know their love language. If a child values words of affirmation, send them a voice note. If they love small gifts, mail a trinket. Tailor the connection to what lands for them.
  
  
• Expect transitions. Interests evolve - from Thomas the Tank Engine to water slides, to comparing wine notes. Visits from a six-year-old feel very different from those at 19. Embrace the turning points.
  
  
  

What trends are shaping distance families currently?

We’re seeing the dynamics of ‘beanpole’ families – families with fewer children per generation. Baby boomers often did an OE, then returned home to raise kids. Millennials are highly educated and globally mobile, but many have one child. Without multiple siblings to ‘share’ elder care, that single child may face different choices about going abroad. Global events - from COVID to geopolitical instability - also reshape mobility. Many who once felt only 24 hours from home have discovered that isn’t always true.

What are you most proud of from this work?

The instant recognition in others when I say what I write about. Often, people’s eyes well up, stories pour out, and we’re hugging. Strangers struggling with distance family finally feel seen. Building a global community across relocation, intercultural training, HR, and academia has been a joy too. I co‑chair the Australia–New Zealand Affiliate of Families in Global Transition (FIGT), and the relationships and collaborations there are deeply fulfilling.

Who inspires you in this space?

I’m inspired by those distance families who choose a positive slant - who acknowledge reality, yet keep leaning into empathy, intentionality, and a long-view love. That mindset is contagious - and it’s what helps distance families flourish.

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